3 Months Down...3 To Go

So I am officially done with track 1. This may have been the fastest 3 months of my life! It’s been such an emotional roller coaster. This last month has been really painful. God is definitely teaching me to take up my cross and follow Him. I am learning to deny myself and die to my old sinful worldly self and I have to tell you that it is not a fun process. When God said that He was going to woo me and romance me this was not exactly what I had in mind. I’m super grateful though because I know that in order to truly live, first I must die. Gotta love the inside outside upside down kingdom where everything He asks you to do is completely opposite of how the world tells you to live. This past month has been continued revelation of my darkness. The more I read the Bible I see how sinful and ugly humanity is. The problem that’s going to increase the closer we get to Jesus coming back is that a humanistic religion is going to start and basically it’s where you think that at the core all people are good and if we just try to be good and are nice to people and try not to do sinful things then we will be good. Humanity’s biggest issue is that as humans we think we can do it ourselves. And as it turns out that’s all that pride is. The idea that we can do it on our own without any help. Turns out I’m super prideful. I’m really starting to get an understanding of pride and of true humility. I’m still working on it though. The more I have studied the Bible and really read about the one world religion that is coming I have realized how easy I could fall into that because at my core I believe that I am good. Like Peter, I don’t believe that my flesh is weak. So this past month has been God’s loving kindness in showing me who and what I really am. LIKE THE REST, I am a creature of God’s wrath! I am no exception to the rule. At my core I am dark and ugly and sinful and capable of unthinkable crimes. There is no good in me. God is so good! He is so gentle and His timing is perfect in how He’s showing me all this. Because at the same time He’s mercifully bringing up my darkness, He’s reminding me that He sees lovely because He sees me through the finished work of the cross and He sees me through the righteousness and blood of Jesus. I always understood that Jesus died on the cross for our sins but like I said before I felt like there was more and I didn’t really understand what all that meant. God has been so good to bring me more and more revelation of the cross and it has birthed in me such a heart of gratitude and thankfulness. He died for me when I hated Him. He took on every one of my sins and shame and grief. He who was perfect and was without sin became sin for me. When I hated Him! I don’t even think I’ve fully grasped it yet but I get a little more every day. It is a miracle that I chose Him. Like the rest, I hated Him and He has set His love on me and the only reason I love Him is because He first loved me. BUT Jesus! Oh the beauty of this man! I was eternally dammed to hell and I was separated from God forever but because of His one act of love on the cross, I can now have a relationship with God. It blows my mind!
So this month IHOP celebrated 10 years of continuous 24/7 worship and prayer. Mike Bickle who is the leader of IHOP spent 8 sessions going over the prophetic history of IHOP. Basically what that means is he went back through his life and told stories of ways that God spoke to him whether through dreams or through other people (prophecy) and his journey to how IHOP came to be. It was so fascinating! Then the last day he talked about where they are going to go from here and there are some pretty cool things they talked about. So it’s just been a really cool time to be here and experience this event. I love how as all the people who have been here since the beginning were recounting memories of the past 10 years they talked about the beginning and how it all started. They started in a trailer and had like 2 or 3 people in the room besides the worship team and most of the time someone from the team would have to leave the stage and go back to the sound board. And they all said the room smelled awful. But as they’re telling all of these funny stories, they all said that those were some of their favorite times. It made me think about the Katy prayer room and how we had and still have the same issues and it made me really excited that I get to experience the “trailer days” in Katy. I also love how as he’s been talking about IHOP he’s made a point to say but it’s not just IHOP. It’s a prayer movement and that means wherever the spirit of God is, these promises are for them too. I’ve been emailing back and forth with people and they are feeling the same thing in Katy that we’re feeling here. I love that God has leadership in Katy that has ears to hear what the spirit is saying! I’ve been really thankful that God has me here during this specific time. I prayed about coming back in December and I didn’t feel like I was supposed to and I just keep thinking what if I hadn’t trusted what I was feeling and came then? Don’t get me wrong it probably still would have been good but I would have missed out on so much. In track 2 I get to work with the Samuel Company which is a new children’s ministry and back in December it wouldn’t have started yet. So I would have missed what I’m thinking is a pretty big reason of why I am here. Also Mike is getting ready for the next couple of months to do a series on signs of the times every Friday and Saturday which is not what he normally does and I’m going to be here for all of it. He’s going to go through the Bible and discuss how current events apply to what the Bible says about the generation we are living in. I just feel that this is a very significant time and I am in awe of the fact that God has me here to experience it right now. I am so convinced that I hear from God. God speaks to me (maybe not always how I want) but He speaks and I hear Him. I know His voice! I don’t have to rely on other people to tell me what they think God is saying to me. I can trust what I hear and what I feel. Praise the Lamb!
So I am between tracks right now. I have 2 days where I get to relax and get ready for track 2. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. The next track 1 is going to be huge. This time around all of fire in the night was about 50 people with 10 of those being track 2. This next time we as track 2 will have about 20 that are staying and then track 1 is going to have somewhere between 60-65! We’re going to have almost twice as many people. It’s a little overwhelming to think about. I just spent 3 months getting used to the people that were here and now a whole bunch of new people are coming in. It’s been a real lesson in loving people and keeping your heart open knowing that people are going to leave. There was one girl in the apartment next to me named Tiffany that I just adored. She was so precious and sweet and I really feel like it was a divine appointment that I got to meet her. She left a week early and it was so hard! This track wasn’t so hard to say goodbye except for her because all but 1 of my roommates are staying but if we are roommates again next track, the end is going to be really hard because we have really bonded and become like sisters and then it will be 6 months not just 3. It’s good though. In the past I have gotten really attached to people and I believe God is teaching me how to hold people loosely. It’s a total gift from God that Ginnette and I are here at the same time but the reality is that in December when I go back to Katy, she stays here. And then only God knows what will happen when I get back to Katy. I’ve been really homesick and I miss you guys a lot! The stupid devil has been telling me lies that nobody misses me and that everyone has moved on and forgotten about me. But then in the midst of it, I’ll get a text or email or message on facebook or phone call from someone and it helps a lot. I know this is where I am supposed to be right now but it doesn’t make it any easier. So just know that you are loved and missed and in my prayers. My core leader Wendy has been amazing though and really helped me with the whole keeping your heart open and being vulnerable thing. She told me the other day that she has seen so much growth in me in that area. When I first got here I was very honest with her about why I had come and how I was feeling towards God that He was not doing things my way and in my timing. She said I was very hard and defensive and closed off at the beginning. (ouchie but true nonetheless) But she said now my heart is so open and I have let people in and let them love me and I have risked loving others and being vulnerable. She told me it’s beautiful =)

Prayer points:

Grace, strength, patience, and endurance for track 2. It is much harder and I have like no free time except for my Sabbath.
Greater revelation of my darkness and the cross
Greater revelation of my loveliness and God’s emotions and affections toward me
Help to set my gaze and focus my mind on Jesus and no other distractions
Grace to take up my cross and die to myself and do what God is daily asking of me
Greater understanding of true humility versus pride
Vision for a children’s equipping center in Katy
My mom, dad, and Jen- I love hearing how God is working in each of them!
***That I truly would be fully satisfied in God and God alone no matter the circumstances***

I Am An Intercessor

This time is going by so fast! I only have 1 more month left of track 1 and then it’s track 2 so only 4 months left. I thought 6 months was going to drag on but it’s flying by! All of my roommates are staying for track 2 so we’re hoping to be put in the same apartment together. They said they don’t take requests but they’ll keep it in the back of their mind. So we’ll see what happens. I paid all of my money and I looked at my bank account after and let’s just say God is giving me a lesson in learning to trust Him with my money, among other things. It’s so strange to only be withdrawing and not depositing anything. So it just keeps going down and getting smaller and smaller but it’s all good. God is good and I trust Him to provide when I come home, whatever that looks like. Anyway, this past couple of weeks has been good but sobering. IHOP is coming up on their 10 year anniversary so it’s a really cool time to be here but they’re kind of looking at the last 10 years and where they are and where they see themselves going in the next few years and there have been a couple of awesome messages the past=2 02 Sundays during FCF. (That’s basically their church service on Sundays). It’s been really cool to hear what God has been putting on the leaders’ hearts. I’ll kind of go into some background for me before I continue because it totally applies. So the very first time I came to the onething conference I kept seeing these signs all around the place for the children’s equipping center and I was curious as to what it was about. Well on the last day of the conference they brought a kid up to pray on the mic and the whole time he was praying I was just crying and had no idea why. Then they turned on some music and the kids started dancing to this worship song and again I just started bawling. So I was like God what is this? Why am I crying? Then this was the first time I know that I heard God’s voice. I can’t explain it I just know. So I heard Him go “you should do that”. And I said do what? Then He goes “start a children’s equipping center in Katy.” Then I just laughed and said yeah ok. At that point I hadn’t even taught Sunday school yet. But I filed it away in the back of my mind. Then one Sunday in church, Jim preached a message on the by faith chapter. I can’t remember which one it is. I think it’s in Hebrews somewhere? But basically during our prayer altar time we were supposed to go to God and ask Him to finish this sentence. By faith Amy… And this is th e 2nd time I really felt like I know God spoke to me and He said “by faith Amy led the next generation into the Lord’s battle”. So basically I have really had a heart for children and I feel an urgency to see them prepared for Jesus’ return. Anytime people are praying I immediately go to children and the next generation. So 2 Sundays ago Daniel Lim gave a message about what was on his heart. His message really focused on asking the Lord for the burden of His heart and then at this 10 year mark kind of starting from the beginning again and asking God to teach us how to pray. He just stressed how important it is to labor in prayer and to remember that the best thing we can be doing right now is praying. He said it’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking it’s a waste of time but we have to push through and partner with God and partner with His heart. The other day one of my teachers made the point that John the Baptist labored in the place of prayer for 18 years for an 18 month ministry. He said sometimes we get so wrapped up in the wanting to go that we neglect to see the importance of the preparation time before God tells us to “go”. That was a really cool illustration. So anyway, at the end of the message there was a ministry time and basically we were just crying out to God to teach us how to pray and to give us the burdens of His heart. Now I love to worship but I don’t feel like I really20have any burdens to pray except for children and I see everybody else with burdens for all kinds of different things (yes here is the comparison thing I’m not supposed to do) so I have been crying out to the Lord asking Him for the burden of His heart so the whole message and prayer time was so timely and an answer to pray. So during the prayer time I felt like I heard God say “Amy I am marking you tonight as an intercessor. You will know the burdens of my heart because you will know my heart.” So that was cool but I still struggle with how do I know if that was God? All it is, is a thought in my head. And I go back and forth like well that’s what I wanted to hear so I must have just made it up. It’s a constant struggle but it’s just part of the journey. So as I’m wrestling in my head wondering if I really heard it or not, Daniel gets on the mic and goes I feel like even right now the Lord is marking some of you as intercessors. So I of course laugh and said ok sorry God I get it. God really makes me laugh sometimes. So there was this man standing in front of me the whole prayer time and he has the most precious little baby girl. She seriously looks like a doll. Well the whole time I felt like I was supposed to pray for her. So I was wrestling in my head and going back and forth and then he walked back by me and so I asked him if I could pray for her and he said yes. So I put my hand on her little shoulder and started to pray and all of a sudden she just reached for me. So I held her and she was just so calm and seemed to be at home in my arms. I don’t typically hold babies either because I am afraid I am going to drop them and break them (I know, God’s working on this whole fear thing) but I didn’t really have a choice here. As I continued to pray for her, her eyes were just locked on mine the whole time. I can’t explain it but it was like she could see something inside me as I prayed for her. I hope it was good! I have no way to really describe it but praying for her was just amazing. Then when I was done I was like huh maybe that’s how you know you’re supposed to pray for someone. That had never happened before and I always wondered how people knew they were supposed to pray for someone. So that message was impacting but then this past Sunday was even more so. Allen Hood talked about what was on his heart and it was very similar to Daniel Lim’s. He said he feels an urgency to prepare this next generation for Jesus’ return and that we are in an urgent hour. We need to humble ourselves and pray and cry out for mercy for our children and grandchildren. It totally confirmed everything that I have felt and haven’t understood. It was like he put words to what I had been feeling but didn’t know how to express. I felt like God told me “see Amy you have had20my burden the whole time. Now I’m letting others in on it too”. I of course cried the entire message. I highly recommend anyone who is in church leadership or works with youth (mercy street especially) to go back and listen to his message if you can. I’ll only tell you about the ones I really feel are important and this may be the most important one I’ve heard so far. It was last Sunday’s FCF service. It sold out in the bookstore and they are still trying to make more copies for everyone that wants one. If you don’t have access to the archives email me and I will give you my password so you can go back and listen. This message truly stirs your spirit that the time is now to get ready for battle! It was a heavy word. One of the most impacting things he said at the very end was something to the effect of we cannot flirt with darkness. If we have trouble with it now, what are we going to do when the darkness keeps increasing? So that’s really been where my heart has focused. The church as a whole is so asleep and has no idea that a huge storm is coming. As we get nearer to Jesus coming back, the darkness is only going to increase and we need to discern the hour we are living in. We need to start pursuing righteousness and holiness now so that we can begin to prepare our children. I personally believe that we could see the Lord return in this generation and we will be here when everything goes down. But whether we are or not, we are doing a disservice to these future generations and our children and grandchildren if we do not prepare them for what’s coming. Maybe I’m wrong and we won’t see Jesus return in this generation or the next, but what if I’m right? Are our kids ready? Are we ready? Nobody knows for sure the day or the hour but I want to be ready and waiting, not living like it’s business as usual and totally be caught off guard. And I have an urgency to make sure that this next generation is ready and waiting and not swept away with the wicked and seduced by the darkness. So like I said it’s been good but sobering. Ever since that message I’ve really been burdened (I have the Lord’s burden!!) to pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in Katy, especially in the children. Then I got an email from the house of prayer in Katy that they are doing a 21 day fast. I got so excited! I am totally partnering with you guys in prayer even though I am not there. I just feel like something big is getting ready to happen. Then I found out that some ministries at Grace are beginning to fast on Tuesdays. I do that too so I’m totally joining you guys and partnering in prayer with you here too. I just really have an expectation for God to move in Katy. Ginnette and I joked before we moved up here about how God was gonna move in Katy while we were up at IHOP and we would miss it. Then we were both talking about it20tonight and we both feel like it’s getting ready to happen. Pray that God would give me grace to do what He’s asking me to do day by day and stop looking ahead. Other than that please pray that God will keep speaking truth to my heart and that I would encounter how He feels about me and I would see what He sees when He looks at me. And pray that it warms up! It’s only September and I’m already cold! It’s perfect when the sun is out but I’m hardly out when the sun is out. My roommates told me they will take me shopping since I don’t know how to dress for when it really starts to get cold. So we’ll see what happens there. I miss you guys so much!!