March 12, 2011
This week is spring break! However you would not be able to tell it by the weather. I am so done with winter. I slipped and fell on the ice 3 times in the past month. I have had some gnarly bruises. (Yes that is an interesting word choice but I could not think of another that would do it justice) Once I fell down my stairs and the others I slipped on the sidewalk. I felt like an 80 year old lady. I was sore for several days after but luckily I did not break a hip. =P I mean the snow was cool to see and play in once but that’s all I needed and then I’m totally cool to move on with things. I cannot wait until I get to wear tank tops and flip flops again.
I am going to be moving next month. Not far though- just upstairs. The landlady bought a new house and she and the chick upstairs are going to be moving there. So she offered me and my roommate to move upstairs. My rent won’t change or anything and I won’t have to live in a basement. We will have a full kitchen with a dishwasher and garbage disposal, which we do not have down here. Plus we won’t have to buy any furniture because our lease is for a furnished apartment so she’s either going to move up what’s down here in the basement with us, or if it won’t fit, buy us new stuff. Pretty much a win-win. Although I’m not super excited about moving my furniture upstairs but it shouldn’t be too bad. She moves the first week of April so we will move shortly after that. Plus she doesn’t have time to pack so she’s going to give me $10/hr to pack up her stuff. Praise the Lamb!
I moved back to the nightwatch this semester. I love nights and I was so excited to go back but when it came time to actually make the decision, I actually questioned it a lot. My main fear was that I was going to miss out on getting to know the daytime students better since our schedules would be so different. There’s like 300 first year students and while I know faces pretty well, I haven’t really had a chance to really meet people and talk to them. (Partly due to my own shyness) So I was basically afraid I wasn’t going to get to know people because I would be hidden on the nightwatch. So that first night I found out I could go back on nights I went to bed and I was still pretty unsure if I really was going to do it or not. However, that night I got woken up twice, once at 2:00 A.M. and then again at 4:30 A.M. This had never happened before. I woke up out of a dead sleep and was worshiping in my bed. I didn’t wake up and then start singing. No I woke up because I was singing! I mean I had hands up in the air and everything. Both times! It was the most bizarre thing. I was really hot and threw my covers off both times and I think it was the fire of the Lord. I didn’t “feel” the presence of God or hear or see anything but something was definitely going on. So needless to say, I took that as confirmation to go back on nights. I was telling one of my friends what happened and she felt like the Lord showed her that Him waking me up twice meant I was going to get a double portion if I chose nights. So I receive it! So it’s definitely been a battle, but when it comes down to it, I am wired for the nights. If God wants to hide me there then He can.
Ok now on to the important stuff. What is God doing? Isn’t that the million dollar question? This semester has felt like a whirlwind. This quarter my classes were Excellencies of Christ with Allen Hood and Foundations of Prophetic Ministry with Shelley Hundley. The winter has been crazy and we have had some intense snow storms and a lot of our classes actually got cancelled so I kinda feel jipped. Like for instance, Allen’s class has 3 sessions on the cross of Jesus alone and we didn’t get to any of them. But we just found out that we are going to get recordings of all the classes we missed so it’s not all bad. The Holy Spirit has definitely been doing some interesting stuff. Probably about 2 weeks ago, Holy Spirit showed up in Allen’s class. His session was supposed to be on the zeal of the Lord. He only got like one sentence into his teaching and then he stopped and said “I feel the jealousy of the Lord over this class.” Then he launched into an exhortation to the students that if anyone was living a double life in sexual immorality or carousing and getting drunk that they needed to rethink what they were doing. After that he tried to go back to teaching and he stopped and said he felt like if he continued with his lesson, God was going to strike him down. He had never felt the fear of the Lord like that and he felt like he had to continue in the same vain. Then all of a sudden Shelley was on the stage telling her dream the turn word again, which we as first years have heard like 3 times at least so I think she must have felt it was really important to share it again. So the class basically just got hit with the spirit of the fear of the Lord and went into a time of confession and repentance. Then that same week it happened in the prophecy class and whatever Shelley was going to teach on that day completely got thrown out the window and the Holy Spirit redirected us. Shortly after that, IHOPU leadership was feeling like the Lord was doing something big and inviting us as students into a time of sanctification and consecration, so they decided to cancel our last class and hold an IHOPU convocation where all the students 1-4 year as well as all the interns would come together. We all came together and had a time of consecrating ourselves to the Lord and even took communion. It was really nice. So that was set for last Wednesday. But something even crazier happened the day before. Tuesday is student chapel and it is at 1 and I don’t normally go because that means I wake up at noon, which is the equivalent of 6 AM for my schedule. But I knew the Lord was moving in an unusual way so I decided that Tuesday I was going to get up early and go to chapel. It was so the Lord. We did worship and then as soon as it was over and chapel was going to start, leadership told us that chapel and classes were cancelled that day because Mike Bickle had called an emergency meeting of students and staff. They said a man was visiting from Uganda and had shared an encounter with Mike that day and as he was sharing it, Mike felt like it was a corporate word for the IHOP community, as well as the church in general. So he called this like ridiculously impromptu meeting for like 2 hours later in the same building we were having chapel. Luckily I was already there because by the time we got the email I would have just been waking up and getting in the shower and I would have totally gotten there late and more than likely be unable to find parking or even a seat. God is so good! Mike had never done anything like this since IHOP started so everyone knew it had to be a pretty big deal. Here is a link for the message that we heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4WSe5tK_2Y
I invite you to listen to it when you can. It has left everyone shaken and really questioning a lot of stuff in our own personal walks with the Lord.
So all this happened the week before Spring Break and now I’ve had about a week to process it and talk to the Lord about everything. Basically God is up to something. He is calling us as students to greater holiness and sanctification. Everyone has had mixed feelings but my take away is that God is doing this now in His gentleness and kindness. Mike always says shock me now, don’t shock me later, and it appears that He is shocking us now. One of the leaders over the nightwatch said he feels like John’s message was the first trumpet in Joel 2 to wake us up. John’s message basically has made me stop and question my standing with God. It has made me truly examine my heart. And unfortunately, I am seeing more yuck and darkness so that’s been pretty painful. Confession time: I used to be a really judgmental person. The Lord has really done a big work in me though and I thought I was so much better. However, over the past about a month and a half, all this ugliness and judgmental thoughts about people I don’t even know has come up in my heart. I’ve been really mad at myself because I thought we had taken care of all that already and I didn’t know why it was coming back. Then several weeks back, some lady was praying for me and she said something to the effect of, you have had a lot of offense come up in your heart lately and you’re wondering where it’s coming from, and I feel like the Lord is bringing it up because he’s teaching you how to love. More confession: I don’t think I’m all that bad. This has been a journey since fire in the night of the Lord showing me just how dark I am but when you ask me what sin I’m struggling with, for the most part I would have a hard time telling you because it’s not like I struggle with the “big ones.” However, through John’s message, God has really been speaking to me about my thought life and my speech. Especially in the area of judgmental thoughts and complaining. And I would have said this was not that big a deal and it’s only in my mind so it’s not really sin, but God has really been showing me that is just not the case. The Bible is very clear that not only will we be judged on our actions, but also the thoughts and intents of our hearts. This is a sobering reality and one I am still working through. The Bible says to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and I feel like that’s what we’ve all been doing since John’s message.
The basic gist of what God is doing in this season is calling everyone to greater holiness. The Bible says be Holy as I am Holy. God is Holy. We are not. He desires to make us holy because He wants to be with us. What He is doing in this season is giving us an invitation into greater intimacy. The more like Him we become, the closer we get to get to Him. And if you know me at all, you know I am trying to get as close to His heart as He will let me. The comforting part of it all is we can’t do it ourselves. If we could we wouldn’t need a savior. It’s His zeal for us and His jealousy for us to be with Him where He is because He loves us that is going to accomplish it. We say yes and cooperate with Him and He will get us there. He promises. It’s in His Word. All we have to do is say yes to whatever He asks us to do and obey. Before all this happened, I really felt like I was feeling the presence of the Lord like fire. I told you that I had begun to feel the Lord in small ways and I feel like I have increasingly over the past several months felt Him like fire. My face or my hands will get really hot, which since I am always freezing is a tell-tale sign that it’s not just a coincidence when I am burning up in a room where everyone else is wearing their coats. Isn’t that nice of Him? Haha Anyway about a month ago at an FCF service, I was feeling the fire of the Lord and the dude called out from the stage if you were feeling fire on your body to raise your hand so people could pray for you because that was a sign that the Lord wanted to give you more. So I raised my hand and as soon as I did I felt my leg start to shake. This is how it starts so I knew the Lord was getting ready to shake me again. I wasn’t any less scared this time, I think because I know how I’ve felt when He’s done it in the past. So a lady came up and started praying for me and as she prayed I began to shake uncontrollably again. This time was a little different though. While it was happening I was basically saying God I don’t understand why you do this when you know it scares me and I hate it. But this time I just kept proclaiming, you are good. I trust you. Your leadership is perfect. You are a good shepherd. The lady praying for me was really sweet too. I think it must have been an older lady because as she was praying for me she was very gently rubbing my back in a very motherly gentle way. It was like she could tell I was not ok. Then it was over and that peaceful feeling came over me again and I just sat down. So basically this appears to be a season of shaking. Just in case you haven’t noticed, God is shaking things. Look at what’s going on in Egypt. Then the earthquake/tsunami thing in Japan? He is trying to wake us up. And the thing is, America is not exempt. Big shaking is coming to us too. It’s inevitable. I know what I am doing with my life looks so foolish to a lot of you. But I have never been more convinced that where I am and what I am doing is exactly how God wants it. This is a season where I am to set my face my flint and be violent in my pursuit of holiness, and ultimately my pursuit of Jesus. God has given me this invitation and I am not taking it lightly. It’s not just me and it’s not just IHOP. God is extending the invitation to whoever wants it. Now it’s going to look different in your life than mine because we are all in different places and different seasons in our journey with the Lord. I invite you to ask God where He may be calling you to greater areas of holiness and sanctification. Shaking is coming. Now is the season where we must be like the wise ones in Matthew 25 and get oil (relationship with Jesus) in our lamps. We must allow Him to shake us now so that we will stand firm when it all starts coming down.
1 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.
Oh God help me to be a wise one!
