Lord God Merciful

December 16, 2013


Today I am officially finished with my 1^st semester of my SENIOR year! What in the world? Can you believe how fast this past 4 years has gone? This quarter has been absolutely amazing. There is a lady here who wrote a children’s book called “The Thankables.” It is all about being grateful and thankful and not grumbling or complaining. She challenged our church body to 40 days of making war on grumbling. Here’s the video. It’s never too late to start!

http://www.thethankables.com/join-war-on-grumbling/

Y’all I am not exaggerating when I say it is truly changing my life. Grumbling and complaining is deadly. You really can speak death over yourself instead of life. I have been internally doing this war on grumbling and I have seen such a difference in my prayer life. Instead of arguing and complaining about how He’s doing it wrong and how actually His leadership isn’t really perfect, I have turned it into prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude for what He is doing and focusing on what He is doing instead of what He’s not. Turns out He’s doing a lot more than I had realized before!

Since this is my senior year, I have really been reflecting on my time in school and just how different I am now than I was when I first moved to Kansas City. I’ve especially been thinking about the nightwatch. I was remembering how after first semester I had the opportunity to switch and how I almost didn’t because I was afraid I would miss out on relationships with the people in my class. Now looking back I can’t imagine what my life would look like had I NOT switched to nights. I have the most amazing relationships with people I probably wouldn’t be as close to had I chosen to stay on days. Plus I LOVE the sweetness of nights. I don’t even want to think about what I could have missed out on if I had let the fear of missing out win. I am so excited to finish out my final semester in the watches of the night. The Lord really seems to be highlighting the necessity of day and night prayer and it sounds as though there will be many students switching to nightwatch next semester. I am looking forward to January to see who all will be joining us in the night.

This quarter my James class absolutely rocked my world. I think it may have been my favorite after all. We had to write a reflection about how our prayer life changed from what we learned in the class. Here is a bit of my reflection that I turned in. I feel like it summarizes what God has been doing in my heart:

I think the first thing that has been transformational in changing my prayer life has been to see God as a God who delights in mercy. These past 3 years at IHOPU have been a time for me of dismantling wrong ideas about God and His character. Before I came for fire in the night I thought that God was really mad at me and punishing me for a certain relationship in my life. Although my boyfriend at the time was the one that in my mind treated me badly, when God told us we had to break up, instead of judging him for how he treated my heart, God not only showed him mercy, but actually blessed him. He did not appear to be doing that to me and it actually seemed like I was getting the raw end of the deal. So it’s a journey God and I have been working on over these past few years. Last semester we had the book of Isaiah and my main take away from the class was how merciful God is. It really broke down a lot of my ideas of a harsh God. You just can’t see that when you really look at how He treats Israel. He is merciful unlike we have ever known or even have a grid for. So then coming from that class last quarter to this one and Minor Prophets at the same time, the theme this semester that God has been screaming to me is, “Amy I’m merciful!” It’s all over James and the all throughout the prophets. It has changed everything about my prayer life. I’m not praying to a God who is mostly mad and frustrated with me because I keep failing. I am talking to my sympathetic high priest who knows my frame, knows every detail of my life and what has made me the way I am today. He knows my weakness and even though I am frustrated with myself when I blow it, He is not. I have even begun to see especially over the last couple of years how God ending that relationship was very much His mercy to me on so many levels. His perfect leadership is always seen in hindsight. He desires that we learn mercy, which means He gives us opportunities to do just that. As I was reading through the book of Jonah, I was struck that Jonah actually got mad at God because He was merciful towards someone that Jonah didn’t think was deserving of mercy. I realized that has been my attitude towards God in my own situation. But I can’t be mad that God showed him mercy. I deserve hell but God has given me mercy. When you remember the truth through that lens it changes everything, and it literally has changed everything this semester.

I think the most impactful thing God was teaching me this semester came through the book of Hosea. It touched me when I read the notes but then when he hit on it in class it touched me even more. The basic premise is Hosea is a picture of God and His relationship with Israel. Israel is represented by Hosea’s wife Gomer. Before they were married, she was a prostitute and even though Hosea loves her better than anyone ever has, she continues to run back to her other lovers. She gets sold into slavery by another man and her husband Hosea buys her back! This was the part of the notes that got me:

“He will not be intimate with her immediately nor will he fully exercise the authority of his “title” as a husband – because she is too tender and weak at the beginning stages of her “deliverance” from the other lover.  Gomer still cannot make the distinction between “husband” and “master” and thus is not able to rightly interpret even the intimacy of Hosea rightly.  Thus he withholds intimacy to give her time to trust him with deep confidence and understanding.  She must be gently and tenderly brought to the place of intimacy without shame, or intimacy rightly received – not as a possession to be used but as a friend to be enjoyed.”

When I read the notes and heard this in class I just had tears streaming down my face as I realized this is what God has been doing with me. What I have perceived as rejection and a sign that God doesn’t really desire me, is actually His plan to get my heart to a place where it can actually receive His love. Oh I pray that more breakthrough is coming!

Onething is coming up and I am going to be helping with CEC again this year. They are doing things a little differently and instead of having all the kids all together in one room they are breaking them up by ages. I have been recruited to work with the 10-12 year olds. I’m kind of nervous because I am used to doing 5-7 year olds and this will be completely out of my comfort zone, but I am really looking forward to seeing how God meets me in my weakness. I am going to be going on another ministry trip in the spring and this year I will be going to Cincinnati, Ohio. And I know a lot of you are already asking me what I’m going to be doing when I graduate. I don’t have much information as this is a very new development (meaning I’ve only known since the week before Thanksgiving) but here's a little teaser for you. I have an opportunity to move to New Zealand for up to a year after graduation for my senior capstone! Looks like I heard rightly about getting a passport. More details to come on both trips as they get closer!

Senior Year!

October 26, 2013

Well ya’ll I am officially done with my first quarter of senior year. I have a feeling this year is going to go so quickly. I apologize for the lack of update until now. This quarter was definitely the hardest one yet and when I say I had absolutely no free time because of homework, I am not exaggerating. My classes were the book of Isaiah and the Life of Christ in the Gospels. Each class on its own is a hefty workload and as far as I know no other class has taken them together before. In fact when seniors from last year found out they were all shocked that they would do that to us. While it was extremely hard, it was also so good and having the combination of both classes at the same time was really cool.

In the Life of Christ the teacher opened up the class by stating that the reason the gospels aren’t read more is because we don’t get anything out of them. Most of the time, if we are honest, we read the Bible to find some application for our own lives or to get our daily devotional for the day. The first week he said we are often guilty of being more in love with idea of Christ than with Christ Himself and I really had to take a long hard look at how true that might be in my own life. Jesus is a real man and how can I be in love with someone I don’t actually know? I think one of the things that impacted me about the class was the idea to ask Jesus questions as you’re reading different stories in the Bible. Jesus lived 30 some years on earth. He has memories of all those things that happened. I have to be honest because although I had heard that before I didn’t really try it because I didn’t think He was gonna talk back anyway. My teacher said He probably won’t answer back, but He might. But either way ask the questions because it makes it more real to your own heart. It was so encouraging! Whenever anyone has said that in the past, I understood them to mean ask Him because He’ll talk back. But this was the first guy to be real and say actually no He probably won’t answer. It may seem silly but I feel that gave me the permission to start doing it and it’s been really fun to think about what He may have been feeling or thinking when certain things were happening.

The book of Isaiah was also really good although very overwhelming. I mean the book is 66 chapters so it’s hard to cram it all in 8 weeks. I have read through the book of Isaiah several times and was somewhat familiar with it. I think my biggest take away from the class was how merciful, kind and tender the Lord really is. We see over and over again how Israel was constantly rebellious against the Lord and did their own thing. But no matter what they did, the Lord continued to go after them and chase them down with His loving-kindness. I have heard people say they don’t like the Old Testament because God is so mean, but honestly after this class, all I could see was how tender and compassionate He is. The way He deals with Israel is the way He deals with us. He is gracious, slow to anger, rich in love and good to all. He is just so kind. Even when I am faithless, He remains faithful. It’s so comforting to my weak little heart!

It’s really interesting too because this quarter I have Minor Prophets with Dave Sliker who is the same teacher I had for Isaiah and He said His goal for this class is for us to see God rightly. It looks like God’s just gonna continue to break down my wrong understanding of Him as mean, harsh and distant. Praise the Lamb! The other class I have this quarter is the book of James. I am so excited about this class! It is taught by Dale Anderson and he actually used to be on the nightwatch. Last year when the class was offered, he was still on the old nightwatch schedule where all the students are on the new. So it was not a nightwatch friendly class. But all the nightwatch students prayed and asked God to make it work for us this year and He totally did! He is so kind! Dale is just so tender and has cried every class period so far. It’s so beautiful to see an older man cry when He talks about Jesus. This one may be my favorite class…too soon to tell though.

I made a big change this year as well. I switched my concentrations. I had signed up for CEC again this year but about a week before school started I had a conversation with Bobby who is the guy over the nightwatch students and I expressed how I felt really left out by not choosing house of prayer leadership last year. I loved CEC but I didn’t really learn anything that I hadn’t previously learned in my other schooling and the one reason that I chose that concentration, he didn’t even cover all year. Bobby actually apologized and told me that the way that I was feeling was not my fault but a design flaw with the school and that he would take full responsibility for it. Then he made it super simple. He said go where you’re going to have the most fun. So I switched to the House of Prayer Leadership concentration and have not regretted it or felt like I made a bad decision. I’m still teaching my 5 year olds on Sunday mornings though and loving it!

The school is also doing something new with juniors and seniors. They started a student led prayer room at IHOPU. It’s like the one in the normal prayer room, but it’s manned by students only. We were all placed on a team and we also have a harp and bowl (the model that they teach in the music school and what they follow in the normal prayer room) lab each week with our team. I am my team’s admin so I get to serve in more of a behind the scenes kind of way. I love it! I haven’t sung on the mics yet, but we’ll see if I get the courage up to do that at some point this year. I also get to lead my own d-group of freshman girls. I was so excited to be asked and it is so fun so far. I make them a home cooked meal every week so we eat together and then they just share their hearts and we pray together. My goal has been to create a safe loving environment where they feel they can share and be vulnerable. From what I can tell they all seem to feel that way. I would appreciate prayers as I lead them and disciple them though. It’s a big responsibility to shepherd other people’s hearts and I really want to love them well.

I know that was a lot! Thanks for reading =)

Prayer requests:

Vision: Next month is my birthday! Last year I asked the Lord for vision for my life and He answered in a powerful way the whole week after my birthday. I am asking for that again this year, but even greater because I have a huge life transition happening when I graduate and at this point I don’t really know what I am doing yet. So clarity for my next step would be spectacular!

My heart: Just prayers for continued healing. My biggest desire is to be confident in God’s love when I walk across that stage in May. Pray that He would encounter me in a deep way in my remaining time at IHOPU.

Senior year: As the leaders of the school, we have all been feeling a lot of pressure and warfare so far this year. Please feel free to pray however you feel led about that.

Tipping the Bowls

July 21, 2013

About a month ago I was at a birthday party and I struck up a conversation with a guy that was on the nightwatch. He was kind of telling me about his background and how he sometimes organizes mission trips to Israel. He asked me if I had ever gone anywhere and I told him no that I had never really had a heart for missions but I was totally open to going if the Lord made it clear that he wanted me to go somewhere. He asked me if I had a passport and when I told him no he said, you need to get a passport, and then you will put yourself on God’s radar. To be honest I had never even entertained the possibility. I just assumed if I ever went somewhere that I would just get a passport then. But I decided that I was going to go ahead and do it, but secretly. I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. I had no idea how to get one or where so I just figured I would look online or something when I had the time.

Well a couple days later I went to mail something at the post office and as I am walking in there is this huge sign on the door, GET YOUR PASSPORT HERE! So when I mailed my package I asked the lady how I would go about getting a passport. She gave me an application and said to fill it out and then make an appointment and it cost $135. I don’t know why but I hadn’t thought there would be a cost. So I took the application and I said ok Lord well you know I don’t have an extra $135 just laying around so if you want me to get a passport then you need to provide the funds for it. Then I set the application aside and didn’t really think too much about it.

Well the next week, my mom and aunt came for a visit and so we did what we always do when people come to visit, we went to the prophecy rooms. When it was my turn the first guy was saying a bunch of encouraging stuff and then his very last statement he goes, “I also feel to tell you to get your passport ready if you haven’t got your passport. I sense God, there’s going to be an invitation to come. It might be short term it might be long term. Somewhere on a mission field or mission trip. I don’t know how long or when but I just felt to say get that ready.” I about fell out of my chair! 3 confirmations! I have never received that many confirmations for anything before.

I was convinced this was the Lord. So one day towards the end of June I sat down and was writing in my journal. I don’t know why but somehow prayers just seem more real when they are written down. Anyway, I was writing in my journal and talking to the Lord about my life and all of my concerns about money and school and the future. Before I had started writing that day I had actually gone back and reread old entries and was reminded how I have had the same few prayer requests for literally years. I have been praying the same things over and over and outwardly have seen little answers. Then I remembered a teaching that a guy gave during this year’s signs and wonders camp. He talked about the bowls in heaven in Revelation 5:8 which are filled up with our prayers. When he was teaching the kids he told them now we know there are bowls but the thing is, we don’t know how big the bowls are. There might be a bowl that is super small and it only takes like 1 or 2 times for the bowl to spill over and the prayer to be answered. The bowl might be super big and take hundreds of prayers before it tips, we just don’t know. So as I was praying this time I said ok Lord I will do my part and fill out the application but you know I don’t have the money. This really seems like you but could I please just have a power encounter in my finances? Mike Bickle has told countless stories of times where he needed an exact amount and God brought him that exact amount. And it wasn’t really even about the amount, it was more the heart connect of oh wow you really do see me and know what I need. So I asked the Lord for $135 and for tuition, but not just because I need the money, because I want Him to confirm His pleasure over the way I have chosen to live my life. I want the money so that I know He is pleased with my decisions. I looked at the clock and saw the time and the last part I wrote was, “What if this was the year God? What if you went above and beyond to lavish your love on me simply because that’s who you are? What if now is the “suddenly” of God? Could it be now? Could I see some answers to my many prayers this year? Would this prayer today at 2:27 pm finally tip the bowls around your throne and pour out answered prayers? Would ya God?”

So after I prayed, I filled out the application and even anointed it with oil and consecrated it to the Lord. Then I went to bed. The next morning I got up and went to the prayer room. When I came home at 6 am I realized I had forgotten to check the mail the day before. When I opened up the mailbox I saw that there was a check from Grace Fellowship. Now this was super strange because I was not expecting anything from them. I thought oh wow maybe they found some extra money and were able to pay the remainder of my tuition, but the check was made out to me, not IHOPU. So I opened it up and low and behold it was a check for $500!!! Out of the blue for no reason. I couldn’t tell who it was from. There was no name on it. All it had was a small phrase in the little memo part of the check that said for missionary support. So I thought it was for the passport but it wasn’t the exact amount so then I thought well maybe I should save it and put it towards tuition.

The next day I got together with a friend and I told her the whole story. Then I said I think the check is for the passport but it wasn’t the exact amount that I asked for so maybe I should save it. She is very wise and always gives the most wonderful advice. She said I know you wanted the exact amount but what if the Lord decided to bless you above and beyond what you needed simply because He can? She said no Amy it said missionary support. You get your passport and you use the rest towards your monthly living expenses. And then you trust that it’s just a down payment and the Lord will provide the tuition when the time comes. So after praying about it, I felt like that was right so I went to have passport photos taken. The post office lady told me that if you have AAA they will do them for free. So I checked out the website and it turned out that since I have the basic membership they were actually $5. But without anything they were like $15 so I decided it was worth the extra time to drive there. Every little bit helps right? So I got there and the guy was having a hard time with the computer system. He said well let’s just take your pictures while the computer does what it needs to do. Afterwards, the system was still doing funky things and he couldn’t get it to work right so he said you know what just go ahead and take the pictures for free. I got my passport photos for free! Sure it was only $5 but like I said, it’s not the amount. It was just another confirmation that this is the Lord. So I sent everything in and paid my money and now I am just waiting 4-6 weeks to become the proud owner of a U.S. passport.

So I don’t really know what the Lord is doing but it seems as though He is getting ready to take me on an adventure of some kind and my heart is really excited at the prospect of what it might entail. But more than even that, I am excited to think that my prayers may have finally tipped the bowls. He answered immediately. Like so immediately that the check may very well have been in my mailbox at that exact moment and I had no idea. What if this is the season? Would you join me in filling those bowls? The more prayers that go in, the sooner they tip out =)

College Station Ministry Trip

April 19, 2013

Howdy Ya’ll!

Yup that’s right I am back from my ministry trip to College Station. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and partnered with us financially. It was an awesome trip! We drove down to Texas on Easter Sunday and then we got back to Kansas City late the next Saturday night. A typical daily schedule looked like waking up bright and early to be on the campus of A&M for a morning prayer meeting at 7 am. Then around 10 a group of people would stay behind on campus and do some evangelism/ pray for physical healing. If you didn’t stay on campus, then you either came back to the College Station House of Prayer (CSHOP) and either played or sang on a worship team or did CEC with the kiddos. Then we had a few hours break and that evening there was a teaching, what we called an encounter God service (EGS). A couple of days we even did prophecy rooms. I think the teams prophesied over like 100 people. Crazy!

One of our main focuses on this particular trip was to bless the moms. There are several young couples with small children at CSHOP. Most of the time, the moms do not get to be in the prayer room because they are taking turns serving. So one of our main goals for the week was to take the kids off their hands and give them some time to just be in the prayer room and soak. My main focus was the children’s ministry (CEC). We had between 20-30 kids depending on the day. The oldest one was five and the youngest was 11 weeks old. The majority were like 1 or 2. Everyone else on the team rotated through all the different activities, but I did CEC the whole time. I did it for like 7 hours a day. Man was it exhausting…but so worth it!

The very first day that we were there, we were outside playing with the little ones and Cynthia, the lady who is kind of in charge of the prayer room came out and told us the sweetest thing. She said right now all of the moms are sitting together in the prayer room just praying and worshiping. She said they had just realized that in the whole 3 years the prayer room had been going, they had never once all sat together like that. That was enough for me. Even if nothing else happened that week, I knew that was powerful. But of course there was more. The moms were so blessed and you could just feel their excitement and appreciation. They were also really thankful to sit in the prayer room with their husband. One lady said that normally they have to take turns with the kids so they don’t get to be in there together. That week they did =)

My favorite thing about our time there was not just that we were babysitting, but we were actually getting to teach the kids the Bible. They had already learned about God the Father and Jesus the Son so I got to teach them about Holy Spirit. Man I love Holy Spirit! The first day we talked about Pentecost and how little flames rested on all the people who were in the upper room. Then we made a fun craft where each kid had a headband and they colored a flame and attached it and wore it. I wish I would have taken a picture! 20 kids running around with little Holy Spirit flames…powerful!

The next day I taught them how Holy Spirit is our teacher and how we have to listen very carefully to hear Him. So we made big ears by cutting a paper plate in half. We attached a pipe cleaner and then glued ears on that said something about listening to Holy Spirit. Ya’ll these kids are amazing. I was telling one of the dads that his daughter was coloring fire on her ears. Then he told me a story that was crazy. One of the guys was getting ready to preach at CSHOP and the dad walked over to his daughter who is 2 and another girl who is 4 and said hey let’s pray for him he’s getting ready to preach. The 2 year old looked out the window and saw the guy and was like no he’s already got the fire on him. Then he turned to the 4 year old and asked her if she wanted to pray. And she said the same thing. Who are these kids ya’ll? Sure the crafts were cute but I really believe that week there were seeds sown and the lessons went deep. I got a couple of testimonies from a couple of the moms at the end of the week. The ears really impacted them. One mom said that one night the 4 year old put on her ears and said I have to put on my ears and talk to Holy Spirit because I haven’t talked to Him in a while. Then proceeded to pray Holy Spirit give me ears to hear your voice. I love you. Amen. Precious! Another mom said her daughter put them on and then put them on mommy and daddy and said you need to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying. 

My favorite night of the whole trip was the second to last night and I had not had a chance to eat dinner yet so someone brought me something and I snuck out to eat it real quick. When I came back in, I just felt the pleasure of the Lord over that room. The kids were having so much fun and the adults were full of joy. It was awesome! I thought wow if this is how I feel, how much more the Father? It was a sweet kiss from the Lord.

I was not able to be a part of the other stuff since I was in CEC the whole time, but I did hear testimonies of physical healings and there was even 1 guy at an EGS service who gave his life to the Lord and even got baptized that night. It was such a fun trip! My main take away however is that the Lord really has given me a gift to equip the next generation. Because it comes so naturally to me, I just assume everyone can do it, however when working with the people who are not necessarily gifted in that area, I quickly realized that it is something very precious that the Lord has given me. I feel very confirmed that I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. Which is what I was hoping would happen.

One night while a I was there I had another dream where I was holding a baby and their head fell off. I had purposely not held the 11 week baby at all until then because she was tiny and of course I was afraid. Well the next day after my dream I said forget you stupid devil. I went and held the baby. And guess what? Her head didn’t fall off! Praise the Lamb!

Last story just because it’s really funny! One night a little girl asked me to read her a book. So I pulled her up in my lap and we started reading the book. All of a sudden she starts shaking and I am thinking oh no I wonder if she’s scared. But we were reading Jack and Jill. Nothing scary there. Then she stopped shaking and started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said her pants were wet. That’s when I realized what happened. I pulled her off me and sure enough my entire left leg from the knee down was covered in pee. Haha what can you do? The best part about it though was the next day during the lesson, we hadn’t even been talking about it and she interrupts the lesson and goes, sorry I went potty on your leg. I appreciated that =)