God is So Kind

First of all thank you to my prayer warriors. When I posted the last blog, that night my sore throat disappeared. Ya’ll rock! I also got my first real piece of mail. My card was so sweet and made my day so thank you. It’s so exciting to get real mail. Ok so shuttle driving went well. It actually wasn’t hard at all. I only ran over 1 curb and I didn’t kill anybody. Not bad for 3 hours! My other serving assignment is actually to clean the briefing room where the singers meet on Sunday night at 12:15. I get to vacuum! It’s weird though because all the worship leaders are just walking around in there and backstage and some have talked to me. I think it will help me to see them as real people just like me. So far the roommates are ok. Since I’m the oldest in the apt. they always ask me for advice and for my opinion on things. What’s funny is that since I am older I’m totally not afraid to speak my mind and give my 2 cents. Pray that continues when I come home too. I kinda like having a voice for a change. As for what God has been doing I’ll have to pick and choose because this could get long fast. I’m really excited about my classes. I think I’m most excited about the Excellencies of Christ. I didn’t really know what it was going to be about and the whole first class I just sat there and cried. It was so amazing and just what my heart needed to hear and that was only the introduction! It’s going to focus a lot on the cross and I’ve been asking for revelation of the cross for some time now so I’m excited about that. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, but what does that really mean in my day to day living? It’s going to be good. After the first class, something cool happened in the prayer room. Sometimes when I am worshiping I get this picture in my head where I see myself being pulled out of the mud by two hands and as I come out I’m in a beautiful white dress and there is no mud on me. It’s happened several times where I see the same picture. So that night after class I saw the same picture but this time on top of the mud was a layer of blood so I was pulled out of the muck and mire and then washed through the blood of Jesus. And I came out really shiny and glowing with no mud on me. =) During another ministry time a girl was praying over me and she said she saw a picture of me and I was on my knees in front of the throne of God worshiping but my heart was in a ton of tiny pieces on the floor surrounding me. She said that He wanted every piece because He wanted to put it back together. It was so good because when I worship that’s what I picture is me on my knees arms wide open in front of the throne of God and nobody would know that because I don’t typically do it in the natural. But then I get ashamed because I know God wants my heart and I feel like all I can give to Him is the pieces and to me that’s not worth anything. But not only does He want the pieces, He wants to put them back together! Who is this God that says the pieces are worth everything to Him? So anyway she also continued to say that I compare myself a lot to other people and I worry that I’m not as far as I should be and that other people are “holier” than me and God said to stop comparing myself. The only person I need to compare myself to is Him. Then after she was done praying I felt like He said “Amy their prayers are good and they shift things, but not one of them worships me like you do. Not one of them moves my heart like you do.” He’s so kind! It’s just becoming increasingly clearer every day that this is a journey. I started reading this amazing book called The Bride by Rhonda Calhoun and I could not put it down. It is an allegory based off the Song of Solomon and God spoke to my heart through that book on so many levels. It basically showed me the different stages that a believer goes through and at first she is very selfish but then as God begins to grow her and mature her, He teaches her how to pray and begins to give her burdens to intercede for the things that are on His heart. I’ve been condemning myself because everyone in the prayer room always seems to have these burdens that they want to pray for and all I want to do worship and sing to Jesus so I think I’m not as holy because all I want to do is sing. But that’s just the season I am in. God knows exactly how to grow me and mature me and when He knows I’m ready, He’s going to start downloading His heart to me. We sing a song at Mercy Street and one of the lines is “break my heart for what breaks yours” and that has been my prayer. I think He’s gradually doing it too. The other night a guy talked about human trafficking and the injustice and again I cried the entire time he was talking and then afterwards during the ministry time I went to the front and just got on my knees and literally wept. I was wrecked for about 3 hours after. So it’s totally happening! Whether I realize it or not he’s breaking my heart. I need to learn not to discount my tears too. That’s totally a form of intercession. Totally unrelated but I'm also seeing the most amazing sun rises. God is so beautiful! There’s probably more but I’ll stop there. Turns out I’m breaking my promise because these are all going to be long. So I guess just get used to long blogs! =)

I'm Here

So I made it to KC safely but got really sick on the way up. So basically all day Tuesday I just laid around and did nothing. I’m slowly getting better but that would be an awesome thing to pray for- full restoration of my health so I can give God the best of me. Wednesday was my first day here and I moved in and met all my roommates. There is plenty of space for everything I brought and the apartment is really old but really big. I have 4 roomates total. There are 2 in my room with me and 2 in the other room. We are all totally different. We look different, have different personalities, and different backgrounds. I’m really looking forward to seeing what God is going to orchestrate by putting us all together. I’m the oldest so I’m kinda like the mother figure but I got used to that with my Mercy Street girls. I kinda like it actually. I think I’m older than most of the guys too. They threw us into the schedule the first night we were here. We had to be in the prayer room from 12-2 but then we came back to the apt and did a meet and greet where they made sure to keep us up until 4 am. Then the next day we had the whole 12-6. That was rough! I kept falling asleep and it was probably the longest 6 hours of my life. But now that I’m getting the right amount of sleep I’m doing much better. We come home and have to be in bed lights out by 7am and then I normally sleep until between 1-4pm. Today I got up at 3:40pm. =) Our schedule has changed everyday and they are pretty disorganized but I kinda like that I am at the mercy of someone else. I don’t make any plans and they just tell us where to be and when each day. We also have to be there 10 minutes early which I love. We haven’t really started our classes yet. They would have started today but since it’s the first Mom-Wed of the month they do a fast and we are actually in the prayer room tonight and tomorrow from 8pm-6am straight. Pray for grace for that too! Wednesday is our Sabbath and the only thing we are required to do is be in the prayer room from 4-6am. Next week when classes start we have classes at 9pm. There’s going to be a Song of Solomon one, a Sermon on the Mount one, and Excellencies of Christ so I’m super excited about those. We have a core leader and she’s going to have us study the entire New Testament during this 3 months and we start this week with Luke. I’m super excited to have a plan and not just open up my Bible and read. Our food schedule has been really different each day too but I think this week we’re finally on what it will be. Breakfast is anywhere between 1-4:30pm. There’s just a little cart with cereal and bagels and stuff. Then there’s a meal at 6pm and the last one at 11pm. The cafeteria food isn’t too bad either. We got our service assignments yesterday. I clean the prayer room Sunday night at 12:15 and the kitchen Saturday night after lunch but then get this one- I’M DRIVING THE SHUTTLE BUS!! They don’t even train you or anything. You just get on and say I’m here to drive and they let you go. This has to be a God thing because you all know that would be the last thing I would have volunteered for. I drive back and forth from the FSM building every Saturday night from 9-midnight so please pray that I am aware of my surroundings and I don’t kill anyone. I still can’t believe it! You just know that God is sitting there laughing at me. I did not get to see fireworks. There were a couple in the sky at meal time but nothing compared to what I’m used to. I did get a nice little text with a firework that made me smile so thank you for that. You made my night =) If you want to call me the best time is probably between 4 and 9 pm. We actually have to turn our phones off when we are in class so if you call make sure you leave me a message or else I won’t see that you called. Feel free to email me too. We get internet at the apartment so I don’t have to lug my computer around everywhere. I guess that’s it. I promise they won’t all be this long. Have a blessed day!